Raising the Threat Level

The following is not original, but I found it entertaining. Sometimes a little humor is good for your disposition and your heart.

Let me say in advance that I have the utmost respect for all our NATO and ANZUS Allies, including the French, who regularly get worse than they deserve. Incidentally, I am particularly proud of the comments about my Scottish kinsmen.

All in good fun, gentlemen and ladies. So smile.
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Nations around the world are raising their national Threat Level in response to international unrest.

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when they were threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual. The only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the B*****ds." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The Spanish are excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

In the Pacific, New Zealand has raised its security level from "baa" to "BAAAA!" New Zealand has only one more level, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us."

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!” and "We may need to cancel the barbie this weekend." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final level.
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Gryphem


[With appreciation to www.scotster.com and www.singletrackworld.com.]