How am I doing today?

A guest post by my friend Ben, although he states that he is not the original author. 
- Gryphem
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How am I, you ask?
Well, to tell the truth, I think I’d rather just die.
Cease to exist. Reach the end.  Be done.
Be no more. Out of here and out of everywhere, altogether.

My life is becoming intolerable.
Death of relationship. Failure in my face. Nothing I can do about it.
Aging. Out of shape. Too lazy or tired or stressed to fix it.
Meaningless job. Extreme boredom.
They are kind to me, but I know that I do not fit, or matter.
Fear of change; fear of staying the same.
So many things to do. So many demands on me. 100 little jobs.
I can’t find my purpose.
Can’t seem to fix serious problems for others.
Can’t seem to rediscover real prosperity myself.
So much stuff. So many responsibilities. Not enough time to fix problems.

Too much failure every day. I fail people all the time. I want to do it all but I can’t.
My failures are on display. I feel ashamed that I haven’t done better.
Love is real, but intimacy is difficult.
I try. I really do try to do right for everyone. My best efforts are not enough.
I am tired.
As you might guess, optimism is dying in me.
Hope is fading that it will ever be right.
I need to hear once more the voice of God, telling me it will all be right, someday.



"Despair" by Alex 'Boti' Fernandez


While I live, people turn to me. They need me. I have a responsibility to them.
People need me to do and be for them.
I must give them what help and comfort I can.
I cannot, will not, abandon the people I care for. For their sakes, I continue.
I will help and support them. I will not leave them. I Do Love Them.

Maybe THEY are my Purpose.
I will stay for them, and try to do my best, even though I do not feel like it.

I do have love in my life. She loves me, unconditionally.
Hang onto that...
Energize faith...
Believe even when it seems futile. Believe beyond hope.
Believe by an act of will. Believe through the hurt.

Oh, thank you for asking.
I think, maybe, tomorrow will be better.